walked again. and i love it. more and more each time. gonna do it tonight again.
its so unbeleivably soothing. its like....... writing for some ppl.
yesterday was an unbearable day of "family excursions"
which ended in a GIANT blowout with my gma about how angry i was (again...)
but then everything went back to normal
then my aunt gave me this death speech about how i was disrespectful and i was being sucked in by the pc. i just stared at her with an amazingly empty expression. snl was on in the backround which made the entire situation even funnier.
josie,olivia,megan, and i have a website now. its prolly the most awesome thing uve ever seen but its still rough. we (ie josie) just made it on friday.
im eating the famous cheese crunchies from trader joes right now. theyre heaven.
i hav to get off the pc in half and hour.
ugh
i dont have much to say right now. im thrilled my aunt is no longer within a 50 foot radius of me. its bringing the soul back to my body. HALLELUJAH.
ill sign off for now but {hopefully?} post again soon.
loveyoumuchly
chloe
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Fall's rollin in, and the leaves are rollin out, as i keep on rollin like the energizer bunny...
Today i did something i havent done in a really long time...
I took a walk.
all by myself.... (well unless u count my two manic "domestic" pugs who cant walk in a straight line. i swear to god; theyre like two incredibly vodka soaked peas in a pod.)
it was probably the best ive felt in weeks. i just spontaneously decided to throw on my P.E. sweats and a sweatshirt, plugged my earphones in my ears( preparing to blast my drums), and walked. all the way to the park. it was soothing. in that really weird way; i couldnt even begin to explain it. i was practically euphoric it was that peaceful.
as i was walking i was thinking "why dont we take more time out of our schedules to do this? why do we choose staring at a computer screen or chatting on the phone for hours, when we could be doing this?"
it all suddenly seemed so ridiculous to me. so... superficial. something ppl like the alligators do. and not just them... but everyone. rarely i see anyone even remotely close to my age walking. older ppl yes, because those ppl realize how idiotic the whole thing is.
hell. even writing this blog is idiotic. i have one "reader", a friend i see everyday. and yet i continue to write to no one when i could be wasting my time walking. but for some reason, blogging seems important to me, too. whether anyone reads it or not. its like a journal. its a place for me to TELL the world (whether they listen or not) about how silly sitting at a pc is. but we do it anyway. (probably because no one knows how great walking is because none of them READ MY BLOG!)
its still technically summer. but its not really. school has started. kids all over the us (and world probably) are hunched over desks reading text books. the sun is not scorching all in its path. but the thing that most tells me its not summer, is the wind.
i can seriously feel autumn in my marrow. its my favorite season, my favorite part of life. i love the idea, no, the thought, of something dying so something else can grow. autumn is the season that cleanses the world, its the streetsweeper that lurks the streets at 5 in the morning, or the lysol wipes that olivia ocd-like cleans our desks with. its the most beatiful season, with the saddest purpose (is it to cheezy to ask "ironic?" at this moment?).
i dont like being outdoors at any other time during the year. falls the only time i come out of my fucking claustrophobic rabbit hole. and just walking is enough for me. no intended purpose. no specific reason or location im trying to get to. i do it just to walk. just to shrink back into your head, but being able to do it with out interruptions or distractions. just allowing yourself to float on your back in the crystal clear blue pool of water. letting your nerves feel the water rippling around you, starting at your toes and climbing all the way up your body to your scalp. you shiver slightly as you think, as the wind whips in your face, drowning out everything else in your fucked up life. it makes me happy being alone. it makes me happy knowing that u can always rely on someone; you. knowing that if u go crazy (as many of us already have) that theres no one there to judge you... except for you. which can sometimes be the worst type of judgement of all, but also the one that gets you through everything unbearable.
and quickly back the the wind thing... my dream city is Chicago. i want that icy cold winter and that amazingly windy fall. it hurts me i long for it so much. "I'm tired of a sunset". im tired of California. of its stupid sun. its stupid happiness and beaches and blonde idiots. i want that dreary harsh weather that makes you hate everything around you. get. me. out. of. here.
my message to you, (josie)
is to walk endlessly. forever. without ceasing. without stopping to think about where youre going or why youre doing it. let ur soon to be exhausted feet carry you to a place uve never been before, or even a place so familiar to you, youve memorized which floarboards squeak when u walk on them. because soon... youre not going to be able to walk. youre not going to be able to forget the world as u dash by all the mocking faces, and the brutal remarks. but the scary part is; its gonna come a lot sooner than you thought. than all of us thought. so we have to do it now. do it before the last grain of sand of our hourglass drifts down to the bottom.
fcukitupnaddaelwtihLFIE
{remember haying and hoing to the that christmas snow[ing?], foooowgetabowwwtit, and start wishing for the swishing of the painful, rain[full] fall.}
ARARARARARARARAR. im a pirrannah... WATCHAGONNADOBOUTITMEGAN?!?!
I took a walk.
all by myself.... (well unless u count my two manic "domestic" pugs who cant walk in a straight line. i swear to god; theyre like two incredibly vodka soaked peas in a pod.)
it was probably the best ive felt in weeks. i just spontaneously decided to throw on my P.E. sweats and a sweatshirt, plugged my earphones in my ears( preparing to blast my drums), and walked. all the way to the park. it was soothing. in that really weird way; i couldnt even begin to explain it. i was practically euphoric it was that peaceful.
as i was walking i was thinking "why dont we take more time out of our schedules to do this? why do we choose staring at a computer screen or chatting on the phone for hours, when we could be doing this?"
it all suddenly seemed so ridiculous to me. so... superficial. something ppl like the alligators do. and not just them... but everyone. rarely i see anyone even remotely close to my age walking. older ppl yes, because those ppl realize how idiotic the whole thing is.
hell. even writing this blog is idiotic. i have one "reader", a friend i see everyday. and yet i continue to write to no one when i could be wasting my time walking. but for some reason, blogging seems important to me, too. whether anyone reads it or not. its like a journal. its a place for me to TELL the world (whether they listen or not) about how silly sitting at a pc is. but we do it anyway. (probably because no one knows how great walking is because none of them READ MY BLOG!)
its still technically summer. but its not really. school has started. kids all over the us (and world probably) are hunched over desks reading text books. the sun is not scorching all in its path. but the thing that most tells me its not summer, is the wind.
i can seriously feel autumn in my marrow. its my favorite season, my favorite part of life. i love the idea, no, the thought, of something dying so something else can grow. autumn is the season that cleanses the world, its the streetsweeper that lurks the streets at 5 in the morning, or the lysol wipes that olivia ocd-like cleans our desks with. its the most beatiful season, with the saddest purpose (is it to cheezy to ask "ironic?" at this moment?).
i dont like being outdoors at any other time during the year. falls the only time i come out of my fucking claustrophobic rabbit hole. and just walking is enough for me. no intended purpose. no specific reason or location im trying to get to. i do it just to walk. just to shrink back into your head, but being able to do it with out interruptions or distractions. just allowing yourself to float on your back in the crystal clear blue pool of water. letting your nerves feel the water rippling around you, starting at your toes and climbing all the way up your body to your scalp. you shiver slightly as you think, as the wind whips in your face, drowning out everything else in your fucked up life. it makes me happy being alone. it makes me happy knowing that u can always rely on someone; you. knowing that if u go crazy (as many of us already have) that theres no one there to judge you... except for you. which can sometimes be the worst type of judgement of all, but also the one that gets you through everything unbearable.
and quickly back the the wind thing... my dream city is Chicago. i want that icy cold winter and that amazingly windy fall. it hurts me i long for it so much. "I'm tired of a sunset". im tired of California. of its stupid sun. its stupid happiness and beaches and blonde idiots. i want that dreary harsh weather that makes you hate everything around you. get. me. out. of. here.
my message to you, (josie)
is to walk endlessly. forever. without ceasing. without stopping to think about where youre going or why youre doing it. let ur soon to be exhausted feet carry you to a place uve never been before, or even a place so familiar to you, youve memorized which floarboards squeak when u walk on them. because soon... youre not going to be able to walk. youre not going to be able to forget the world as u dash by all the mocking faces, and the brutal remarks. but the scary part is; its gonna come a lot sooner than you thought. than all of us thought. so we have to do it now. do it before the last grain of sand of our hourglass drifts down to the bottom.
fcukitupnaddaelwtihLFIE
{remember haying and hoing to the that christmas snow[ing?], foooowgetabowwwtit, and start wishing for the swishing of the painful, rain[full] fall.}
ARARARARARARARAR. im a pirrannah... WATCHAGONNADOBOUTITMEGAN?!?!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sometime in August (minus the pig fetis in a jar and the psychopath)
another entry i made a while back {on paper}
decided to post it too. again idreallyk why. but fuck it up and deal with life i guess would be the correct comment to make to any inquiries about why i did it [in the first place]
The Moon is not made of cheese, its {she's} make of ice cold rock and the glowing Warmth of the sun [ i bet i can guess what the rock is. but im {tree}stump{ed} at who the sun is]
She's leaving.
She's basically already gone. {not that u could have said she was ever really there}
The Countdown of seven begins Today.
She'll float away, down the Stream,
You never imagined her skipping away through a field,
but thats the Poloroid in My Head.
Black and White- exactly the way she Sees the world,
even though she's neither, but instead somewhere in the gray between,
just like the Rest of us.
But as she drifts, her slim, gray Figure becomes Blurry;
unrecognizable.
just a face that Passed through our {kn}ives (or was it us that passed through hers...)
She's one I'll remember though.
Her cynical Humor, giant Smile, and the the black hair that Falls Down her face,
Hiding her soul from the the world.
decided to post it too. again idreallyk why. but fuck it up and deal with life i guess would be the correct comment to make to any inquiries about why i did it [in the first place]
The Moon is not made of cheese, its {she's} make of ice cold rock and the glowing Warmth of the sun [ i bet i can guess what the rock is. but im {tree}stump{ed} at who the sun is]
She's leaving.
She's basically already gone. {not that u could have said she was ever really there}
The Countdown of seven begins Today.
She'll float away, down the Stream,
You never imagined her skipping away through a field,
but thats the Poloroid in My Head.
Black and White- exactly the way she Sees the world,
even though she's neither, but instead somewhere in the gray between,
just like the Rest of us.
But as she drifts, her slim, gray Figure becomes Blurry;
unrecognizable.
just a face that Passed through our {kn}ives (or was it us that passed through hers...)
She's one I'll remember though.
Her cynical Humor, giant Smile, and the the black hair that Falls Down her face,
Hiding her soul from the the world.
8/27/07<<< journals written by me{on actual paper}
sorry josie for the hardcore-emo-wanna-be-ism. just figured i should post the things i wrote at the beginning of the year on my blog. idreallyk why. just thought i should. being delirious might have something to do with it. either that or just being a flat out penny idiot.
hey ho for christmas snow{wtf}
It's unexplainable, hurtful.
Why fix it? To stop it.
To make it stop I've got to Open it.
I cant handle that.
Don't want to see Why, discover the Reason.
Let it lie. Let it grow. Let it be.
Pain is Pleasure. Hatred is Happiness?
Make it Leave, make it Go.
Don't you leave, dont you go.
Suffer. Alone?
Inflict. Purposefully?
yes. no!
Are we going Crazy?
No. We've already Gone.
Gone to the Blackness. The Emptiness.
the Place where i {we} feel Safe.
the Place where we rot, and bask in the Suffocating stench.
or Suffocate from the Light of the bask.
Push? or Pull.
Around the carousel.
It's the same. We're the same. I'm the same. No matter which way or how many Times i spin.
hey ho for christmas snow{wtf}
It's unexplainable, hurtful.
Why fix it? To stop it.
To make it stop I've got to Open it.
I cant handle that.
Don't want to see Why, discover the Reason.
Let it lie. Let it grow. Let it be.
Pain is Pleasure. Hatred is Happiness?
Make it Leave, make it Go.
Don't you leave, dont you go.
Suffer. Alone?
Inflict. Purposefully?
yes. no!
Are we going Crazy?
No. We've already Gone.
Gone to the Blackness. The Emptiness.
the Place where i {we} feel Safe.
the Place where we rot, and bask in the Suffocating stench.
or Suffocate from the Light of the bask.
Push? or Pull.
Around the carousel.
It's the same. We're the same. I'm the same. No matter which way or how many Times i spin.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Alligator Invasion and Retalliaton
The Alligator Invasion and Retaliation is a 2008 epidemic.
The Players :
The Alligators (The Invasionists) and the Songbirds (The Retaliationists)
The Game:
Alligators-destroying all kind of individual thought and idea, creating a freakish sort of army, making everyone generic and conforming
Songbirds-stopping the Alligators from destroying every human{and animal}'s mind, doing their best to restore the minds of those already taken {either that or insulting them. both are very productive}
The Story:
As far as I know, this war has been ongoing for many years, however, i have just recently seen the thing come to life (but hen again u could say I just recently came to life by... dying, i guess). The Alligators and Songbirds have been in conflict for many a time, but things have changed a little bit.
The way it used to be: The Alligators and Songbirds have always respected each others space, although disliking one another while doing so. The Alligators call(ed) the Songbirds names like "emo" , etc. And The Songbirds call(ed) the The Alligators names like "preppies", and etc. But as the Music Scene has progressed, some of the Alligators have taken up a nack for liking the music which once was considered to be only for "emo losers". The Songbirds definately are not happy about this. this is after all, their terf. So now open confrontations are occuring and causes some ruffled feathers (amazingly most of those feathers belonging to the scaley Alligators).
and for some unfathomable reason... the Alligators are recruiting new members. do the Songbirds give a fuck? no. except for the fact that the Alligators are destroying the ppl, society, and most of all, the music, why should the Songbirds care? *evil glare*
so beware. because the Alligators will come to get u. unless they think youre unworthy (ie. if ur very different from them to begin with). if u look anything like them... they will latch their vicous bloddthirsty teeth on to u and destroy your thoughts by pouring light brown hair dye all over your head. adding more then a speck of "honey" highlights on ur once nonconforming skull.
if u are a strong Songbird, you know that the Alligators are bullshit. And amazingly enough... lots of ppl are resisting. and siding with the Songbirds. this may not be "good" {but then again what really is} but its better than being with those ppl. the interesting thing is that The Sngbirds dont have to receuit: the ppl come to them. they keep themselves alive by being themselves. the Alligators cant take the Songbirds down. so theyve stopped trying.
which side are u on?
later u soon to be alligators.
chloe
The Players :
The Alligators (The Invasionists) and the Songbirds (The Retaliationists)
The Game:
Alligators-destroying all kind of individual thought and idea, creating a freakish sort of army, making everyone generic and conforming
Songbirds-stopping the Alligators from destroying every human{and animal}'s mind, doing their best to restore the minds of those already taken {either that or insulting them. both are very productive}
The Story:
As far as I know, this war has been ongoing for many years, however, i have just recently seen the thing come to life (but hen again u could say I just recently came to life by... dying, i guess). The Alligators and Songbirds have been in conflict for many a time, but things have changed a little bit.
The way it used to be: The Alligators and Songbirds have always respected each others space, although disliking one another while doing so. The Alligators call(ed) the Songbirds names like "emo" , etc. And The Songbirds call(ed) the The Alligators names like "preppies", and etc. But as the Music Scene has progressed, some of the Alligators have taken up a nack for liking the music which once was considered to be only for "emo losers". The Songbirds definately are not happy about this. this is after all, their terf. So now open confrontations are occuring and causes some ruffled feathers (amazingly most of those feathers belonging to the scaley Alligators).
and for some unfathomable reason... the Alligators are recruiting new members. do the Songbirds give a fuck? no. except for the fact that the Alligators are destroying the ppl, society, and most of all, the music, why should the Songbirds care? *evil glare*
so beware. because the Alligators will come to get u. unless they think youre unworthy (ie. if ur very different from them to begin with). if u look anything like them... they will latch their vicous bloddthirsty teeth on to u and destroy your thoughts by pouring light brown hair dye all over your head. adding more then a speck of "honey" highlights on ur once nonconforming skull.
if u are a strong Songbird, you know that the Alligators are bullshit. And amazingly enough... lots of ppl are resisting. and siding with the Songbirds. this may not be "good" {but then again what really is} but its better than being with those ppl. the interesting thing is that The Sngbirds dont have to receuit: the ppl come to them. they keep themselves alive by being themselves. the Alligators cant take the Songbirds down. so theyve stopped trying.
which side are u on?
later u soon to be alligators.
chloe
long time no post.
hello.
i now officially have... only one reader. and that would be my froadin buddy- cash (she had a food codename but i just dont remember it).
my new thing is that world is going to be taken over by alligators.
they will come {some already have} and chomp your brain till its nothing but an alligator-chomped-pool-of-....brains.
my love for ryan ross has faded like luna has. luna is trent now btw. i dont remember her food codemane either. but thats her froadin name.
jon walker and brendon urie now own my soul a hell of a lot more than ryan does.
my soul keeps expanding in the world of celebrities and things unnecessary. but its shrinking in the world of real ppl. of my family. and my friends. im blocking them out. ppl make fun of me more and more now. ppl idk. and im tired. and exhausted. laying in my bed forever becomes more an more appealing as each freakin day passes. didnt get out of bed until 1245 even though i woke up and 943.
i feel like may face is being sucked off by a vaccum (sp? awww who gives a fuck). my hair is driving me nuts. i wanna be like dwayne and just shave it all off. and wear sunglasses backwards. why cant i do that? cuz id be a poser. im a poser at everything. im a poser prep. a poser emo. a poser theatre nerd. the only thing im not a poser at is loner/geek. why do ppl repremand other ppl for being smart? lets hope its cuz those ppl are stupid and feel like insignifigant little specks on our raydars. cuz they are. they may seem big now. but ten years up the road, were the known ones. theyre the losers.
luna.
so much to say. so much time. so little ppl who care.
leaving is never fun or easy for anyone. except luna. constant change has always been a part of her life. doesnt affect her. i want change. cant have it. The Grandmother is not one who swings that kind of stuff. shes not in to rocking the toddlers back and forth all day while hanging from a metal pole. swings may have chains attaching them to the swing's frame, but im the one who feels chained down. im stuck here {in this hell hole} until college. by then, i wont know how the hell to live because of this stupid little world i live in. those things at disney land things its a small world... PFFFFTTT. They should live here.
anna is a bitch.
persky's still a jackass.
im still the pathetic loser who knows everyone. but isnt known in return.
this blog entry wasnt specifically for anyone to read [even though it technically was because cash told me too]. more an entry to update. to vent. to be the beige color of my unfinished wood floors.
sry cash if this entry dissapoints u. its bin a while. and the humor and energy isnt really there anymore. sure. i put it on when im with u guys. but ur my friends. and entertaining ppl is one of the only things i{did}k how to do. u actually prolly dont know this... but ur basically the only person im funny around. cuz ur the only one whos funny around me.
theres a possibility a lot of my entries will be this... irksome? im just tired. i wanna go home now.
later alligator
chloe
i now officially have... only one reader. and that would be my froadin buddy- cash (she had a food codename but i just dont remember it).
my new thing is that world is going to be taken over by alligators.
they will come {some already have} and chomp your brain till its nothing but an alligator-chomped-pool-of-....brains.
my love for ryan ross has faded like luna has. luna is trent now btw. i dont remember her food codemane either. but thats her froadin name.
jon walker and brendon urie now own my soul a hell of a lot more than ryan does.
my soul keeps expanding in the world of celebrities and things unnecessary. but its shrinking in the world of real ppl. of my family. and my friends. im blocking them out. ppl make fun of me more and more now. ppl idk. and im tired. and exhausted. laying in my bed forever becomes more an more appealing as each freakin day passes. didnt get out of bed until 1245 even though i woke up and 943.
i feel like may face is being sucked off by a vaccum (sp? awww who gives a fuck). my hair is driving me nuts. i wanna be like dwayne and just shave it all off. and wear sunglasses backwards. why cant i do that? cuz id be a poser. im a poser at everything. im a poser prep. a poser emo. a poser theatre nerd. the only thing im not a poser at is loner/geek. why do ppl repremand other ppl for being smart? lets hope its cuz those ppl are stupid and feel like insignifigant little specks on our raydars. cuz they are. they may seem big now. but ten years up the road, were the known ones. theyre the losers.
luna.
so much to say. so much time. so little ppl who care.
leaving is never fun or easy for anyone. except luna. constant change has always been a part of her life. doesnt affect her. i want change. cant have it. The Grandmother is not one who swings that kind of stuff. shes not in to rocking the toddlers back and forth all day while hanging from a metal pole. swings may have chains attaching them to the swing's frame, but im the one who feels chained down. im stuck here {in this hell hole} until college. by then, i wont know how the hell to live because of this stupid little world i live in. those things at disney land things its a small world... PFFFFTTT. They should live here.
anna is a bitch.
persky's still a jackass.
im still the pathetic loser who knows everyone. but isnt known in return.
this blog entry wasnt specifically for anyone to read [even though it technically was because cash told me too]. more an entry to update. to vent. to be the beige color of my unfinished wood floors.
sry cash if this entry dissapoints u. its bin a while. and the humor and energy isnt really there anymore. sure. i put it on when im with u guys. but ur my friends. and entertaining ppl is one of the only things i{did}k how to do. u actually prolly dont know this... but ur basically the only person im funny around. cuz ur the only one whos funny around me.
theres a possibility a lot of my entries will be this... irksome? im just tired. i wanna go home now.
later alligator
chloe
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